Discipline, a seemingly simple concept, is something I’ve given quite a bit of thought to lately. It is a necessary part of a healthy D/s relationship. Inappropriate or defiant behavior and speech must be corrected, but there are varying opinions of how best to do so. I suspect that the answer is highly individual and that there is no end-all best solution for everyone. The following is how I have decided to proceed. For reference, the term impact will be used to refer to all striking activities (spanking, paddling, flogging, caning, etc..)
Verbal discipline will always be involved. For some infractions, a stern talk may be sufficient on it’s own. In situations where it is not, Pet still needs to know what she is being disciplined for. Even when very obvious, there is a benefit to having her acknowledge what she did and restate it.
More serious offenses, such as being deliberately defiant, will call for more severe discipline. This is where some uncertainty has come into play for me personally. The majority of D/s couples, from what I can gather, use impact for discipline. On the surface, this seems very simple and commonsense. But I’ve recently read a few blogs where the Dominants purposely leave impact out of the discipline process. They opt for other methods such as hours of sensory deprivation or standing in the corner. The reasoning is not lost on me. Many couples enjoy impact and find it a pleasurable activity. This can lead to the sub ‘bratting’ to receive discipline, undermining the purpose. More seriously, there is the risk of both partners being conditioned mentally to associate impact with negativity, even when done sexually or for training.
Unfortunately for Pet and I, the time intensive alternatives aren’t viable so I am forced to compromise and mitigate those risks. We discussed for a bit the idea of using different items for ‘good spanking’ or ‘bad spanking’. She told me that, for her, the pain is a good reminder but what really hurts is to know that she has disappointed me. This reinforces my thoughts on the verbal aspect.
After many days of consideration, I’ve decided the following. I will continue to use impact for both training and discipline with Pet. The intensity and implement will vary accordingly but the primary difference will be verbal. If impact is for training, I will always preface by saying “This is not for discipline. You have done no wrong.” When it is used for discipline, that will be made very clear beforehand and during. My hope is that following distinct ‘rituals’ will isolate the two scenarios. If not, we will adjust.