Continued from Part 2
Sorry it took so long to complete the third installment of my story but it’s a hell of a lot easier to write about my life in the past than it is in the here and now.
“Joe” and I separated in August of 2009. I came back to my hometown in January 2010, determined to start over once again, this time without depending on a man. After 2 failed marriages I knew what I didn’t want but was clueless about what I did. I knew I needed to get my kids settled and find a job.
As I started dating shortly after my move back home, I also began reconnecting with my childhood friends. After a few dates with different men, I started weeding out my likes and dislikes about them and always kept things casual and fun. I found myself going out more and more with my girlfriends I reconnected with.
One night, my girlfriends and I were out at one of the local bars and I was introduced to Sir. Turns out we went to the same schools and had a lot of the same friends but never knew each other until we met that night. I remember thinking he was nice but quiet and didn’t really give him a second thought. A friend of mine mentioned him one day and told me about his situation with his soon to be ex-wife. A couple of weeks later my friends and I coaxed him to come out after his kids went to bed. I texted him and he agreed to meet us at the bar. When he got there I was dancing with a cowboy who wouldn’t let me off the dance floor until I finally excused myself to the restroom. I stepped outside and the cowboy followed me. We were outside talking when Sir left the bar.
I didn’t see him out again for a few weeks but we texted each other a little, and began a friendship. Then one night we were out at the bar and we sat down next to each other, talking and flirting. We were interrupted by a mutual friend of ours who was also drunk and flirting with Sir. I backed off a bit, I’m not the type to fight over a guy and I figured if he wanted to get to know me he would. After the bar closed we walked out and went to say goodbye and ended up kissing each other good night. As cheesy as it sounds there was something in that kiss that hit me hard. I was the designated driver that night and after I dropped my girlfriend off at her house, I texted Sir.
We couldn’t go back to his place because of his kids and we couldn’t go to mine because I was temporarily staying with my dad, so we met up in a parking lot like a couple of horny teenagers. We made out for a while and then I gave him a hand job before we said goodnight.
Because he was going through a divorce as well, we kept things casual for a few months, sneaking in some time after his kids went to bed or to his ex’s for the weekend. However, as I went out on other dates I realized that I wanted something more with Sir. I talked to him about it and he said he wasn’t able to give me anything more at the time. I told him that it was beginning to feel more to me so it would just be best if we stopped seeing each other all together.
We didn’t talk for a couple of weeks until I accidently included him in a mass text message to our friends. He texted me back and we began talking again. There was something about him that I couldn’t let go of, so if we could only be friends then I would live with that.
I continued to go out with other men; Sir and I even went out on a date or two. I told him that I had a date set up with a man I met from an online dating site. This man and I had been talking and getting to know each other for a couple of months and I had no doubt if the date went well he would want to start dating exclusively.
Not meaning to, I forced Sir’s hand. I knew he was scared to get into another relationship after his divorce but I wasn’t going to wait forever and I truly didn’t know if he’d ever be ready. I needed to get on with my life and not be held back by my past.
We began dating on July 4th, 2010. We were spending more time with each other and having our kids get to know each other as well. As the months went on, we were spending almost every night with each other so we decided to move in together the following spring. As we settled into our life together we both were carrying baggage from two failed marriages a piece around with us as well. I won’t say whose baggage was heavier because while I had abuse in my first marriage, Sir had deep seated feelings of inadequacy and lack of control that started in his first and continued on with his second marriage.
When we married in June 2012, most of my fears and insecurities were gone and I knew this was the man I was supposed to be with. He was my best friend and the love of my life. As we began our life as husband and wife we were struggling to join our blended family together. We put our children’s needs ahead of our own most days but still had a strong bond. It took a while for both of us to realize that this marriage was different and better than our previous. We are partners, 50/50; there is no one giving something and getting little to nothing in return for either of us.
With my first marriage I wanted to make my ex happy but not because it was fulfilling for me but out of fear. He wanted to control me, but not cherish and protect me (This is a very important distinction I needed to reconcile with myself before Sir and I could continue in a D/s relationship). My second marriage, “Joe” wanted to cherish and protect me, but I couldn’t love him. With my third and last marriage, Sir wants me to lovingly serve him while he lovingly protects and cherishes me. Make no mistake, he controls me but it is not malicious or vindictive, and ultimately he does this because I allow him. If at any time I didn’t want to do this we would stop with no repercussions. It is definitely a different mindset then where I was with my first husband.
When I am being disciplined, trained or reprimanded by Sir, I feel safe and loved and I am never in fear of Him. There are still triggers that make me tense up but it has only happened a few times and when it did I was able recognize the difference between what happened to me then and what I allow to happen now. Our D/s life is not perfect and we are still working out the problems, but our love is strong and we are closer than we ever were before.