All posts by Sir

Sensory Overload

Pet and I had a child free night on Friday.  Those of you with children at home will understand that an entire evening with no chance of interruption and no need to be quiet is truly a treat.  We took full advantage and enjoyed a nice, long training session.

I’m happy to report that she performed remarkably well,  beginning by making dinner in her sexiest lingerie.  Afterward, I was able to practice tying a chest harness and give her bottom extended attention with my hand, flogger and multiple paddles while she stood restrained.  I also used the opportunity to experiment with sensory deprivation.  Pet spent an hour on the bed, completely immobilized, with a blindfold and headphones playing while I teased her with various implements.  She had no idea what was coming next and was jumping at the slightest touch after nearly an hour of edging.  When I allowed her to cum, she did so repeatedly and loudly.  My good girl was left a quivering, soaked mess.

Afterwards, we talked about the experience and she fell asleep in my arms with her head on my chest, totally spent.  It was a wonderful ending to a perfect evening.

I look forward to reading Pet’s thoughts on the experience in a post of her own soon.

Sir 

 

New Plug For Pet

Icicles25

Pet has done an excellent job in the past week of dealing with the children and daily chores.  As a result, I decided to reward her with something from her wish list, an Icicles #25 glass butt plug.

At 3.75 inches long and 1.5 inches wide it’s not extreme but definitely got her attention.  We have a similar sized rubber plug but it’s important to remember that, unlike rubber or a real cock, there is no compression or give with glass.  What you see is what you get.

Even after warming her ass up with my fingers and plenty of silicone lube, inserting this plug was more challenging than she expected.  It required a few patient attempts to get past the widest part.  Once in place though, she was a very happy girl.

I’ve had reservations in the past about this style of plug, specifically the base, but I am happy to say that it functioned well.  We didn’t experience any problems with it slipping in or out during playtime or sex.  Pet said the base was very comfortable and the narrow shaft seems ideal for extended wear.    I suspect this item is going to see quite a bit of use.

Sir

Submissive Training Question

I was asked a few days ago on Twitter: “Would you be so kind to explain what is the need of training her?

The simple answer is that training is necessary to reinforce expectations until they become second nature.  The key to remember is that those expectations must be clear to both persons before training begins.

We are a married couple, new to the D/s lifestyle, with children at home.  What works for us will not likely be the same as what works for people in more casual relationships, those with multiple partners, or exploring D/s online.  There are certainly some commonalities but each person needs to find what is best for their unique situation.

At the present, we are in that discovery period.  I am learning about myself as a Dominant and Pet is doing the same as a submissive.  We’re sharing our needs and wants.  We’re discussing what works and what does not.  Because we are in a committed, monogamous relationship, there is no ‘Sorry, I don’t think we’re a good match’ option.  Thus, we proceed slowly, finding a common ground that is fulfilling for both of us.  When those mutual expectations are established, our actual training will begin.

On the topic of how to train a submissive, volumes have been written by people with much more experience than myself.  A Google search will keep you busy reading for days and I’ve linked to several popular books on the topic.   I don’t consider myself an expert by any means or pretend to have all the answers.  I can only share our experiences and hope that others might benefit from reading them.  Just remember that there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.  Learn, adapt, and grow together.

Sir

Good Spank, Bad Spank

Discipline, a seemingly simple concept, is something I’ve given quite a bit of thought to lately.  It is a necessary part of a healthy D/s relationship.  Inappropriate or defiant behavior and speech must be corrected, but there are varying opinions of how best to do so.  I suspect that the answer is highly individual and that there is no end-all best solution for everyone.  The following is how I have decided to proceed.  For reference, the term impact will be used to refer to all striking activities (spanking, paddling, flogging, caning, etc..)

Verbal discipline will always be involved.  For some infractions, a stern talk may be sufficient on it’s own.  In situations where it is not, Pet still needs to know what she is being disciplined for.  Even when very obvious, there is a benefit to having her acknowledge what she did and restate it.

More serious offenses, such as being deliberately defiant, will call for more severe discipline.  This is where some uncertainty has come into play for me personally.  The majority of D/s couples, from what I can gather, use impact for discipline.  On the surface, this seems very simple and commonsense.  But I’ve recently read a few blogs where the Dominants purposely leave impact out of the discipline process.  They opt for other methods such as hours of sensory deprivation or standing in the corner.  The reasoning is not lost on me.  Many couples enjoy impact and find it a pleasurable activity.  This can lead to the sub ‘bratting’ to receive discipline, undermining the purpose.  More seriously, there is the risk of both partners being conditioned mentally to associate impact with negativity, even when done sexually or for training.

Unfortunately for Pet and I, the time intensive alternatives aren’t viable so I am forced to compromise and mitigate those risks.  We discussed for a bit the idea of using different items for ‘good spanking’ or ‘bad spanking’.  She told me that, for her, the pain is a good reminder but what really hurts is to know that she has disappointed me.  This reinforces my thoughts on the verbal aspect.

After many days of consideration, I’ve decided the following.  I will continue to use impact for both training and discipline with Pet.  The intensity and implement will vary accordingly but the primary difference will be verbal.  If impact is for training, I will always preface by saying “This is not for discipline.  You have done no wrong.”  When it is used for discipline, that will be made very clear beforehand and during.  My hope is that following distinct ‘rituals’ will isolate the two scenarios.  If not, we will adjust.

Sir

Balancing Act

The last few days have been interesting to say the least.  Pet and I have been dealing with several issues with the children, school, and our crazy schedules in general.  On top of that, she had sinus problems and I have been exhausted.  In short, what was supposed to be the beginning of her training wound up a train wreck.  We’ve both allowed ourselves to be distracted, put our needs last, and suffered for it.

We talked this morning, albeit through instant messaging, about where we stand.  She felt I was stepping out of my dominant role.  I felt that she was having second thoughts about her submissiveness.  In the end, we found common ground.  Neither of us are happy with the recent slip.  Neither want to give up the D/s dynamic.  Both want to get back on track.

In Pet’s own words, “I want this because its good for us.  It’s brought us closer, but if it’s not nurtured and handled correctly it will tear us apart.”

While caring for the children may always be most important, we can’t neglect ourselves completely in the process.  Doing so would be a disaster for everyone.  There needs to be a workable balance.  Tonight, when the children go to bed, we will talk face to face.  There is one infraction that needs to be addressed and then we will move forward, together.

Sir