Tag Archives: Discipline

Good Spank, Bad Spank

Discipline, a seemingly simple concept, is something I’ve given quite a bit of thought to lately.  It is a necessary part of a healthy D/s relationship.  Inappropriate or defiant behavior and speech must be corrected, but there are varying opinions of how best to do so.  I suspect that the answer is highly individual and that there is no end-all best solution for everyone.  The following is how I have decided to proceed.  For reference, the term impact will be used to refer to all striking activities (spanking, paddling, flogging, caning, etc..)

Verbal discipline will always be involved.  For some infractions, a stern talk may be sufficient on it’s own.  In situations where it is not, Pet still needs to know what she is being disciplined for.  Even when very obvious, there is a benefit to having her acknowledge what she did and restate it.

More serious offenses, such as being deliberately defiant, will call for more severe discipline.  This is where some uncertainty has come into play for me personally.  The majority of D/s couples, from what I can gather, use impact for discipline.  On the surface, this seems very simple and commonsense.  But I’ve recently read a few blogs where the Dominants purposely leave impact out of the discipline process.  They opt for other methods such as hours of sensory deprivation or standing in the corner.  The reasoning is not lost on me.  Many couples enjoy impact and find it a pleasurable activity.  This can lead to the sub ‘bratting’ to receive discipline, undermining the purpose.  More seriously, there is the risk of both partners being conditioned mentally to associate impact with negativity, even when done sexually or for training.

Unfortunately for Pet and I, the time intensive alternatives aren’t viable so I am forced to compromise and mitigate those risks.  We discussed for a bit the idea of using different items for ‘good spanking’ or ‘bad spanking’.  She told me that, for her, the pain is a good reminder but what really hurts is to know that she has disappointed me.  This reinforces my thoughts on the verbal aspect.

After many days of consideration, I’ve decided the following.  I will continue to use impact for both training and discipline with Pet.  The intensity and implement will vary accordingly but the primary difference will be verbal.  If impact is for training, I will always preface by saying “This is not for discipline.  You have done no wrong.”  When it is used for discipline, that will be made very clear beforehand and during.  My hope is that following distinct ‘rituals’ will isolate the two scenarios.  If not, we will adjust.


Tallying The Score

When Pet left on Monday she did so with a list of rules for her trip.  I’ve been keeping notes on when the rules were followed, when they were not, and her behavior in general.  I’m well aware that to some this may seem excessive.  I have to say that when the idea first struck me, I questioned it myself.

We often read about how emotionally demanding a D/s relationship can be on the submissive person .  The constant scrutiny can easily lead to a feeling of being unable to do anything correctly.  That being said, there is an equal but different challenge to the Dominant.  In the case of Pet and I she draws pleasure from being submissive, giving up control, and serving me.  It is my responsibility to establish clear expectations, decide whether they are being met, and deliver praise or discipline accordingly.

It is vital that we both keep the bigger picture in mind.  Pet expects and desires me to be firm and retain control.  This allows her the freedom to enjoy submission.  If I am lax in my role, the whole dynamic begins to break down.  Instead of being her rock and protector, I create a sense of uncertainty, and take away that freedom.

I find myself needing to be reminded of this often.  It’s easy to say “She’s had a rough day so I’ll let things slide,” but doing so upsets the stability that I now believe is the core of a successful D/s relationship.  Obviously, compassion is essential, but there must be balance.  It’s a fine line that I find myself walking.

When I look through my notes for the week, there were times that Pet disappointed me, but also some where she went above and beyond my expectations.  At the moment, it appears to be nearly even, with the positives slightly ahead of the negatives.  We have some things to discuss, but I think she will earn her surprise gift and some training.

One more day and, as Pet told me earlier, “I’ll be back in your bed with my bottom in the air Master”