Tag Archives: D/s relationship

I need you, Sir

I need you Sir

I need you to sate my mind, body and soul, Sir

I need you to give me guidance and discipline, Sir

I need you to set up and honor the rituals, Sir

I need you to stay open and in the here and now, Sir

I need you express your displeasure and to give your praise freely, Sir

I need you to make me beg and serve you better, Sir

I need you to challenge me and correct me when I’m wrong, Sir

I need you to cherish my heart with care, Sir

I need you to see that you are the most important part of my life and I am trying, Sir

I need you, Sir.

Sensory Overload

Pet and I had a child free night on Friday.  Those of you with children at home will understand that an entire evening with no chance of interruption and no need to be quiet is truly a treat.  We took full advantage and enjoyed a nice, long training session.

I’m happy to report that she performed remarkably well,  beginning by making dinner in her sexiest lingerie.  Afterward, I was able to practice tying a chest harness and give her bottom extended attention with my hand, flogger and multiple paddles while she stood restrained.  I also used the opportunity to experiment with sensory deprivation.  Pet spent an hour on the bed, completely immobilized, with a blindfold and headphones playing while I teased her with various implements.  She had no idea what was coming next and was jumping at the slightest touch after nearly an hour of edging.  When I allowed her to cum, she did so repeatedly and loudly.  My good girl was left a quivering, soaked mess.

Afterwards, we talked about the experience and she fell asleep in my arms with her head on my chest, totally spent.  It was a wonderful ending to a perfect evening.

I look forward to reading Pet’s thoughts on the experience in a post of her own soon.

Sir 

 

New Plug For Pet

Icicles25

Pet has done an excellent job in the past week of dealing with the children and daily chores.  As a result, I decided to reward her with something from her wish list, an Icicles #25 glass butt plug.

At 3.75 inches long and 1.5 inches wide it’s not extreme but definitely got her attention.  We have a similar sized rubber plug but it’s important to remember that, unlike rubber or a real cock, there is no compression or give with glass.  What you see is what you get.

Even after warming her ass up with my fingers and plenty of silicone lube, inserting this plug was more challenging than she expected.  It required a few patient attempts to get past the widest part.  Once in place though, she was a very happy girl.

I’ve had reservations in the past about this style of plug, specifically the base, but I am happy to say that it functioned well.  We didn’t experience any problems with it slipping in or out during playtime or sex.  Pet said the base was very comfortable and the narrow shaft seems ideal for extended wear.    I suspect this item is going to see quite a bit of use.

Sir

Full Circle Part 3 of 3

Continued from Part 2

Sorry it took so long to complete the third installment of my story but it’s a hell of a lot easier to write about my life in the past than it is in the here and now.

“Joe” and I separated in August of 2009.  I came back to my hometown in January 2010, determined to start over once again, this time without depending on a man.  After 2 failed marriages I knew what I didn’t want but was clueless about what I did.  I knew I needed to get my kids settled and find a job.

As I started dating shortly after my move back home, I also began reconnecting with my childhood friends.  After a few dates with different men, I started weeding out my likes and dislikes about them and always kept things casual and fun.  I found myself going out more and more with my girlfriends I reconnected with.

One night, my girlfriends and I were out at one of the local bars and I was introduced to Sir.  Turns out we went to the same schools and had a lot of the same friends but never knew each other until we met that night.  I remember thinking he was nice but quiet and didn’t really give him a second thought.  A friend of mine mentioned him one day and told me about his situation with his soon to be ex-wife.  A couple of weeks later my friends and I coaxed him to come out after his kids went to bed.  I texted him and he agreed to meet us at the bar.  When he got there I was dancing with a cowboy who wouldn’t let me off the dance floor until I finally excused myself to the restroom.  I stepped outside and the cowboy followed me.  We were outside talking when Sir left the bar.

I didn’t see him out again for a few weeks but we texted each other a little, and began a friendship.  Then one night we were out at the bar and we sat down next to each other, talking and flirting.  We were interrupted by a mutual friend of ours who was also drunk and flirting with Sir.  I backed off a bit, I’m not the type to fight over a guy and I figured if he wanted to get to know me he would.  After the bar closed we walked out and went to say goodbye and ended up kissing each other good night.  As cheesy as it sounds there was something in that kiss that hit me hard.  I was the designated driver that night and after I dropped my girlfriend off at her house, I texted Sir.

We couldn’t go back to his place because of his kids and we couldn’t go to mine because I was temporarily staying with my dad, so we met up in a parking lot like a couple of horny teenagers.  We made out for a while and then I gave him a hand job before we said goodnight.

Because he was going through a divorce as well, we kept things casual for a few months, sneaking in some time after his kids went to bed or to his ex’s for the weekend.  However, as I went out on other dates I realized that I wanted something more with Sir.  I talked to him about it and he said he wasn’t able to give me anything more at the time.  I told him that it was beginning to feel more to me so it would just be best if we stopped seeing each other all together.

We didn’t talk for a couple of weeks until I accidently included him in a mass text message to our friends.  He texted me back and we began talking again.  There was something about him that I couldn’t let go of,  so if we could only be friends then I would live with that.

I continued to go out with other men; Sir and I even went out on a date or two.  I told him that I had a date set up with a man I met from an online dating site. This man and I had been talking and getting to know each other for a couple of months and I had no doubt if the date went well he would want to start dating exclusively.

Not meaning to, I forced Sir’s hand.  I knew he was scared to get into another relationship after his divorce but I wasn’t going to wait forever and I truly didn’t know if he’d ever be ready.  I needed to get on with my life and not be held back by my past.

We began dating on July 4th, 2010.  We were spending more time with each other and having our kids get to know each other as well. As the months went on, we were spending almost every night with each other so we decided to move in together the following spring.  As we settled into our life together we both were carrying baggage from two failed marriages a piece around with us as well.  I won’t say whose baggage was heavier because while I had abuse in my first marriage, Sir had deep seated feelings of inadequacy and lack of control that started in his first and continued on with his second marriage.

When we married in June 2012, most of my fears and insecurities were gone and I knew this was the man I was supposed to be with. He was my best friend and the love of my life.  As we began our life as husband and wife we were struggling to join our blended family together.  We put our children’s needs ahead of our own most days but still had a strong bond.  It took a while for both of us to realize that this marriage was different and better than our previous.  We are partners, 50/50; there is no one giving something and getting little to nothing in return for either of us.

With my first marriage I wanted to make my ex happy but not because it was fulfilling for me but out of fear. He wanted to control me, but not cherish and protect me (This is a very important distinction I needed to reconcile with myself before Sir and I could continue in a D/s relationship).  My second marriage, “Joe” wanted to cherish and protect me, but I couldn’t love him.  With my third and last marriage, Sir wants me to lovingly serve him while he lovingly protects and cherishes me. Make no mistake, he controls me but it is not malicious or vindictive, and ultimately he does this because I allow him.  If at any time I didn’t want to do this we would stop with no repercussions. It is definitely a different mindset then where I was with my first husband.

When I am being disciplined, trained or reprimanded by Sir, I feel safe and loved and I am never in fear of Him.  There are still triggers that make me tense up but it has only happened a few times and when it did I was able recognize the difference between what happened to me then and what I allow to happen now. Our D/s life is not perfect and we are still working out the problems, but our love is strong and we are closer than we ever were before.

Submissive Training Question

I was asked a few days ago on Twitter: “Would you be so kind to explain what is the need of training her?

The simple answer is that training is necessary to reinforce expectations until they become second nature.  The key to remember is that those expectations must be clear to both persons before training begins.

We are a married couple, new to the D/s lifestyle, with children at home.  What works for us will not likely be the same as what works for people in more casual relationships, those with multiple partners, or exploring D/s online.  There are certainly some commonalities but each person needs to find what is best for their unique situation.

At the present, we are in that discovery period.  I am learning about myself as a Dominant and Pet is doing the same as a submissive.  We’re sharing our needs and wants.  We’re discussing what works and what does not.  Because we are in a committed, monogamous relationship, there is no ‘Sorry, I don’t think we’re a good match’ option.  Thus, we proceed slowly, finding a common ground that is fulfilling for both of us.  When those mutual expectations are established, our actual training will begin.

On the topic of how to train a submissive, volumes have been written by people with much more experience than myself.  A Google search will keep you busy reading for days and I’ve linked to several popular books on the topic.   I don’t consider myself an expert by any means or pretend to have all the answers.  I can only share our experiences and hope that others might benefit from reading them.  Just remember that there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.  Learn, adapt, and grow together.

Sir